Something only people with a chronic illness understands is how quickly things can flip. You can have a decent day then, boom! Everything comes crashing in around you. That was today.
As I mentioned previously, it has been a tough period, but I have refused to let it get the better of me. Tonight, things went south. I was in the kitchen washing dishes and, since I have been particularly weak lately, I was using a stool to lean on while cleaning to relieve some of the pressure on my legs. Since my legs and feet are numb these days, I didn’t feel the chair go sliding out from under me until I was spread out on the kitchen floor, slightly stunned.
If you want to understand the epitome of frustration and discouragement, imagine being 25 years old and stuck on the kitchen floor, bawling, because you can’t lift yourself up. Thankfully, I live in a house with 3 very strong guys who were right there in my hour of need.
My dad and brothers are very compassionate and always ready to help. Once I was up and on the couch, my mom was ready to be a shoulder to cry on because she understands what it feels like. To go from independent to needy can be extremely upsetting.
I’ve worked full-time for a long time. I have been my mother’s caretaker for the last 11 years. Helped raise my younger brothers and run a household. All this while traveling the US for my dad’s job. Because of all the places we have lived, I could milk a goat as easily as I could catch a subway in 4” stilettos. For my age, I was pretty put together. It can be really hard to go from that to needing help just to carry the laundry 10’ down the hallway.
This won’t get the best of me and we will find a way to make life better again. I don’t expect an easy road to get there. There are no magic pills. I do, however, have to have faith that we will figure out what is missing and be able to complete my puzzle again.