Wednesday, January 2, 2019

A Rough Evening...

              Something only people with a chronic illness understands is how quickly things can flip.  You can have a decent day then, boom!  Everything comes crashing in around you.  That was today. 

As I mentioned previously, it has been a tough period, but I have refused to let it get the better of me.  Tonight, things went south.  I was in the kitchen washing dishes and, since I have been particularly weak lately, I was using a stool to lean on while cleaning to relieve some of the pressure on my legs.  Since my legs and feet are numb these days, I didn’t feel the chair go sliding out from under me until I was spread out on the kitchen floor, slightly stunned.

If you want to understand the epitome of frustration and discouragement, imagine being 25 years old and stuck on the kitchen floor, bawling, because you can’t lift yourself up.  Thankfully, I live in a house with 3 very strong guys who were right there in my hour of need. 

My dad and brothers are very compassionate and always ready to help.  Once I was up and on the couch, my mom was ready to be a shoulder to cry on because she understands what it feels like.  To go from independent to needy can be extremely upsetting. 

I’ve worked full-time for a long time.  I have been my mother’s caretaker for the last 11 years.  Helped raise my younger brothers and run a household.  All this while traveling the US for my dad’s job.  Because of all the places we have lived, I could milk a goat as easily as I could catch a subway in 4” stilettos.  For my age, I was pretty put together.  It can be really hard to go from that to needing help just to carry the laundry 10’ down the hallway.

This won’t get the best of me and we will find a way to make life better again.  I don’t expect an easy road to get there.  There are no magic pills.  I do, however, have to have faith that we will figure out what is missing and be able to complete my puzzle again. 


4 comments:

  1. Victoria - I had no idea you are struggling with MS. Paul and I will be praying for your healing - God is good all the time! Your faith shines through. You are truly blessed with an amazing family and a wonderful gift for expressing yourself through your writing. Your turn of phrase and clarity of content are wonderful. Hugs for all.

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement. It has been a bit therapeutic to write about it all. God has a reason for everything and I just have to believe that. It was great to hear from you. I hope you and your family are doing well!

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  2. Hi Victoria - I too had no idea you were dealing with this. Very sorry to hear it, but as you say, you have an awesome family with experience in dealing with unexpected health challenges. You can/will figure out the best way for your body to regain it's strength and heal. Praying for you all!

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    1. Thank you! It was very unexpected but we will find a way to work through it. If nothing else comes from this, it gives me a 360 degree perspective about dealing with chronic illness that will come in handy as a psychiatrist. I definitely appreciate the prayers!

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